What happened when I crashed last week?!

It’s been an interesting journey over the last few months.

Moving from the Mid-West to the East of the country in the middle of a Level 5 Lockdown without saying goodbye to all your friends you made over 25 years in that part of the world.

Moving from a City Centre adjacent location to a rural village 10 miles from a City.

Getting to know a completely different team on a project where I was the only person left from the ‘old guard’.

Being stuck indoors for lengthy periods of time as a predominantly outdoors person.

Having an expressive, creative, tactile, and extravert personality reduced to just my head on Zoom and other screen walls. In a more sterile environment where you cannot hug, and where people turn their video off.

 

My conscious self got a battering. To live from within became harder. To express creativity from within became really difficult. To sit in personal space and truth became something I forced myself into through extensive use of some powerful holistic techniques.

However, the flow was gone. The former ‘selfs’ popped up to say hello. The ex-corporate self. The black and white thinking politically motivated former self. The competitive self.

They all joined forces. They all came together for one final push to get me to go back to being a version of my former self.

 

I crashed. Just before last weekend. Bang, on my knees. Mentally and physically exhausted. My body and mind screamed STOP!

I listened. I sat in silence to discover and become aware of that what I have written above. Upon quiet review, I found no fault, no blame, nothing wrong, no mistakes, no failures.

It just was. So, I let it play out in silence. After a good bit of playing around with it, it felt as if a space was opening up. I recognised the space from before as the nothingness where choices get made.

Then, I became aware of my whole inner self choosing to open a door in that space. Wide-open. And everything that was there just let itself out. Disappearing into the distance. Getting less and less noisy. Until it was all gone, and I closed the door.

All that was left, was what had always been there. An expression of life itself. Nothing more, nothing less. A perfect outpouring of the energy that is that life.

Fun is back, unbridled creativity. I am no longer in control. And yet I am in charge of every moment.

Allowing these processes to occur naturally is what I have learned from a more holistic way of living.

And if I can, you can! Because you too are whole, perfect, and complete! Always were, always will be!

 

Patrick Mercie 09/03/21

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2 thoughts on “What happened when I crashed last week?!

  1. This is a must read for anyone being asked to switch-up a gear right now!

    So I clicked on to this post – in a mindset, open to all possibilities – and as always, when I am drawn to a post – I found synchronicity in your words Patrick, which aligned deeply within my core.

    Being tasked to switch-up a gear in a particular project recently, along with moving house a month ago, I put myself under incredible pressure – to show up for everyone else, except for myself. I reverted to type – (the old muscle memory kicking in!) overiding all I know to be true.

    The stress of the situation of complete change – and having to make a million decisions in a short space of time, mostly on my own – also brought up all the old ways of being, for me – most alarmingly – allowing the ego to take on the external demands to ‘push’ and race forwards – despite my body’s alarm bells – and allowing my own inner critic to to overide the body’s calls for a more grounded approach. Instead of surrendering to the process, letting things go, trusting my intuition – complete and utter overwhelm manifested in such as way, as virtigo kicked in – confusion, exhaustion, and the body saying STOP… now!

    Patrick – so grateful for your exceptional ability to say it how it is; to align your experience with your truth and for sharing your insights, woven into your compelling gift of storytelling.

    We are all right where we are supposed to be… if we choose to grow… all of the time!

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words Charlotte. I wrote this with the hope it might resonate for some out there. I’m grateful for you letting me know it did. Listening to our body’s calls can often quieten the busy mind!

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